A MORNING IN PARADISE VALLEY

BEEFYLOGS

EXT. MOM'S CAR - MORNING

A sparkling gold luxury car is in the middle of a triple left-turn lane. It's as if the car was in the middle of a stream of automobiles. Traffic proceeds on the opposite side of the median and outside the turn lane. Various ENGINES putt and CAR BLINKERS blink.

INT. MOM'S CAR - MORNING

Dude is slumped down in the passenger's seat, with a black backpack on his lap. Mom is wearing sunglasses and waits for the left-turn light to come on. Bro sits expressionless in the back seat. Dude stares in front of him for a few seconds, then his stare shifts slightly to the right. His eyes continue shifting between intermissions of blank stares.

DUDE

God damnit!

Mom winces.

MOM

(uneasy)

What?!

DUDE

These cars' blinkers never blink at the same pace ours does.

MOM

(somewhat relieved)

What?

DUDE

The blinkers. I look every damn morning and none of the cars blinkers ever match up with ours.

BRO

(monotonously)

Who cares.

DUDE

They'll seem to be on the same tempo at first but then it'll end up being, like, a millisecond off. Pisses me off. They never goddamn match up.

MOM

Stop cursing.

The car starts to slowly accelerate.

BRO

Dude... You're gay.

DUDE

(increasingly irritated)

Shut the hell up.

A very brief silence overcomes the car.

BRO

Aw, crap. Mom, I forgot you need to sign my permission slip for me to go on my science class' field trip.

MOM
Do you have it with you?

BRO

Yeah, it's in my backpack.

MOM

All right, honey, I can sign it when we get to the school.

Conversation briefly seizes in the car as the only sound heard is the quiet, muffled VROOM of the engine.

EXT. DIVIDED ROAD - MORNING

A random car pulls in the space between medians from the opposite side of the road which Mom's car is on to make a left turn.

INT. MOM'S CAR - MORNING

Mom is startled by the random car pulling between the medians in front of her. She gasps and abruptly slows down in fear of a collision with the random car.

DUDE

Jesus, Mom, you're so friggin' paranoid.

Bro lets out a hasty chuckle.

MOM
You just never know what these people are gonna do. There are the craziest drivers in this town.

DUDE

Mmm-hmm.

Everyone in the car falls silent once again. They make a left turn.

MOM

(tenderly)

You know, Dude, you can come over to our house any time you want.

DUDE

I know, Mom.

MOM

I mean, you don't even have to call, you can just stop by whenever you want.

DUDE

I know, I know.

MOM
I know you know. I know things can be a little crazy at your dads, and you're always welcome at our house. Get some peace. No one will bug you or anything.

DUDE
I know. It's just really far out of the way, and out of the neighborhood, you know?

MOM

Yeah, I know. Did you finish all your homework last night?

DUDE

(irritated)
Ah, God, Mom, will you ever got off my ass about the homework? Yes, I did it. But my grades should speak for themselves.

MOM

I know, but I have to check. It's a mother's job.

EXT. SCHOOL - FRONT - MORNING

Mom's car pulls up in front of the school in the drop-off area. There are a few different groups of kids standing around. Dude opens the door and gets out of the car, then leans back in to grab his backpack.

INT. MOM'S CAR - MORNING

Mom talks to Dude as he's grabbing and putting on his backpack.

MOM

And remember, you can come over any time you want.

DUDE

I know.

MOM

Love you.

DUDE
See ya.

EXT. SCHOOL - FRONT - MORNING

Dude closes the car door.

DUDE

(to himself)

Jesus Christ.

Dude walks through the main gates of the school, passing the groups of people.

BRIAN

'Sup, Dude! You burn that game?

DUDE

No, was at my mom's.

BRIAN

You suck, Dude!

DUDE

Yeaaahhh.

EXT. SCHOOL - QUAD - MORNING

Kyle and Dan are standing around a table occupied by another group of kids, talking. Consistent CHATTERING among people is prevalent in the background. Dan turns around to see Dude, then turns around to continue conversation. Dude approaches the table.

DAN

'Sup, D-Man.

KYLE
What's up, Dude?

DUDE

What's up.

DAN

Buncha bullshit.

DUDE

What else is new.

DAN

Dad's a fuckin' asshole.

Dude starts to walk down the quad, passing rows of lockers and smaller groups of students surrounding parts of them. Kyle and Dan follow.

DUDE

That ain't that new.

DAN

So much bullshit, Dude. Seriously.

KYLE

For real.

DAN

I gotta go to fuckin' rehab. For smelling like weed at school. For smelling like weed at school, Dude! I think I'm gonna kill him.

Dude and Kyle LAUGH.

DUDE

Oh yeah? Is that the plan, or what?

DAN

I do have plenty of guns.

Dude stops walking and looks at Dan.

DUDE

Dude... guns? You pussy.

DAN

(New York accent)

Go fuck yourself!

Kyle chuckles. Dude gives Dan an awkward stare. They continue to walk.

DUDE

You gotta do it like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

KYLE

Haha, hell yeah.

DAN

Nah, see, I'd have to shoot him in the leg or something. He'd have to

suffer. I mean, I couldn't just kill the bastard.

KYLE

Rip his arms off and beat him with 'em.

DUDE

Well, that sort of goes without saying, doesn't it? I mean, you wouldn't want to be stupid about it.

KYLE

For real, though.

DAN

I'll do something to his dog. He loves that thing. I'll stick it in the microwave.

Dude and Kyle laugh.

DUDE

What, you're gonna fry the dog in the fuckin' microwave?

DAN

Yeup. Then kill his wife.

KYLE

S'way to do it.

DUDE

That's fuckin' awesome.

DAN

That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna kill his dog... then murder his fuckin' wife.

Dan stops abruptly by a student reaching into his locker and widens his eyes so much that you'd think they were about to pop out of their sockets. Dude and Kyle stop right after him.

DAN

(rushingly)

That's what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna cook the dog in the microwave then kill his fucking wife!

Dan speedily walks in the opposite direction toward his locker. The student pauses for a second, looks at Dude and Kyle, then continues to go through his locker.

DUDE

That kid is fuckin' crazy, Kyle. I'm tellin' ya.

The first period bell RINGS.

KYLE

He is, he is.

Dave and Kyle walk to a nearby classroom door, open it, KAH-SWISH, and go into the room. Multiple students and groups of students walk past the door in the foreground, in both directions. The door closes extremely slowly, CHSHHHHHHHH...

...SHHHHHHHHH...

...SHHHH-CK. CL-ICK.

The preceding story, including characters and situations, were completely fictional. Resemblance to any persons, dead or living, is purely coincidental.