ASSHOLES AND FARTS

 

Beefylogs

 

EXT. QUAD - LUNCH TABLE - AFTERNOON

 

Dude, Kyle, Dan, Chris, Henry, Karl, Tiffany and Claire are all eating lunch at the lunch table. Tiffany and Claire gossip among themselves as the rest of the table remains moderately quiet as they eat. Nicole, a short but attractive girl with a really nice ass walks by the lunch table.

 

CHRIS

Damn, Nicole has such a hot ass.

 

HENRY

Yeah, she does.

 

CHRIS
I'd love to just take her home, and hit that from the back.

 

HENRY

Yeah, then she farts.

 

CHRIS

Dude, that's fucking sick.

 

HENRY

Seriously, what if she did that?

 

CHRIS
What if she farted?

 

HENRY

Well, what if any girl farted while you were goin' at it doggystyle? Would you keep going?

 

CHRIS

Man, I don't know.

 

DAN

I'd fart back.

 

HENRY

It'd be too funny to ignore. I'd be laughing too hard to keep going.

 

KARL
If it was one of those really nasty, rank, like, pre-diarrhea farts-

 

DUDE
That's sick.

 

CHRIS

I'd keep going.. unless it was all, like, juicy.

 

TIFFANY

God damn! We're eating lunch, for Christ's sake. Friggin' perverts.

 

HENRY

I probably wouldn't be able to stay hard. I'd push her away and say I had to go to the bathroom or something.

 

DAN

Man, I walked in on my brother's girlfriend taking a shit in the bathroom this one time.

... was crazy.

 

DUDE

What the hell does that have to do with anything?

 

CHRIS

You can't tell me you'd just STOP and go to the bathroom, Henry.

 

HENRY

I seriously, seriously would. Dude, she'd fart, like, point blank onto you.

 

DAN

I'd still fart back.

 

KARL

Just slap her ass and keep going.

 

DUDE

Where the hell did this conversation come from?

 

CHRIS

Henry thought of it.

 

DUDE

Fuckin' nasty, Henry.

 

HENRY

I couldn't help it. It just... suddenly spout out.

 

DUDE

How ironic.

 

CHRIS

The pre-diarrhea farts thing was all me.

 

DUDE
Whatever, dude.

 

HENRY

Yeah.

 

Tony and his hard-ass pussy cliche walk up to the table with Tony leading the pack. They stop and turn to the lunch table.

 

TONY

(like a hard-ass little bitch)

Hey, Dude!... I like your bike! Ha! Hahaha! HahahahahAHAHAAHAH!

 

Tony and his group of lame, hard-ass bullies start laughing.

 

RANDOM ASSHOLE #1

You're gay!

 

TONY

Yeah!

 

RANDOM ASSHOLE #2

Gay fag!

 

Tony continues to laugh and walks away. The clique follows him, continuing on their way down the quad.

 

DAN

Fuckin' asshole.

 

DUDE

Such an asshole.